Note to self: Stop expecting

Life hasn’t been great these few weeks. I’ve been going through hell and God forbid I may kill myself one of these days. It’s just getting worse and no one knows, not even who you thought might be there for you during your down moments.

It’s funny where life takes you, sometimes away from the ones you love. Or maybe you let your loved ones go and regret every second of it. Either way, what’s past is past. I had the unpleasant journey of going through something very dear to me. Once you tell yourself that happily ever after does exist, you set expectations. You hope for something magical to happen, that love will be in existent forever and ever. But sadly, it does not. People change, even magically into a whole different person in one night. They forget about you, they leave you, you’re back to square 1.

I had a memory of a person that I love very much. Let’s make it generic and call The Person a he. The Person is no longer with me. The Person decided that I am not worth his time anymore. It changed overnight. That’s how fast a person could change. He once said, “The more time you spend with someone, the closer you can get with the person”. I guess what he said is true, I no longer could possibly have the time to spend with him, even though I tried, some times all you need is just two person making time for each other. But it is what it is. Life takes you on a roller coaster.

Not being able to be with him is bad enough, but not being his priority is even worse. You thought you knew someone well, but really, it’s not the same at all. No matter how much you fight for it, if he doesn’t want it to work, it won’t work. I tried to be strong, focus on what matters, but I’m weak. I cling on to people so hard that when someone let me go, I’m helpless.

Initially I don’t want to post this tonight, but I cannot hold myself any longer, and I need to move on with my life, even if it means I have to let go. Lesson learnt to not hold expectations, because expectations sets your bar high, and once its unachievable, you’re crushed into tiny little pieces. And your life will forever become as dark as you’ll ever see it’ll be.

 

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