Note to self: Stop expecting

Life hasn’t been great these few weeks. I’ve been going through hell and God forbid I may kill myself one of these days. It’s just getting worse and no one knows, not even who you thought might be there for you during your down moments.

It’s funny where life takes you, sometimes away from the ones you love. Or maybe you let your loved ones go and regret every second of it. Either way, what’s past is past. I had the unpleasant journey of going through something very dear to me. Once you tell yourself that happily ever after does exist, you set expectations. You hope for something magical to happen, that love will be in existent forever and ever. But sadly, it does not. People change, even magically into a whole different person in one night. They forget about you, they leave you, you’re back to square 1.

I had a memory of a person that I love very much. Let’s make it generic and call The Person a he. The Person is no longer with me. The Person decided that I am not worth his time anymore. It changed overnight. That’s how fast a person could change. He once said, “The more time you spend with someone, the closer you can get with the person”. I guess what he said is true, I no longer could possibly have the time to spend with him, even though I tried, some times all you need is just two person making time for each other. But it is what it is. Life takes you on a roller coaster.

Not being able to be with him is bad enough, but not being his priority is even worse. You thought you knew someone well, but really, it’s not the same at all. No matter how much you fight for it, if he doesn’t want it to work, it won’t work. I tried to be strong, focus on what matters, but I’m weak. I cling on to people so hard that when someone let me go, I’m helpless.

Initially I don’t want to post this tonight, but I cannot hold myself any longer, and I need to move on with my life, even if it means I have to let go. Lesson learnt to not hold expectations, because expectations sets your bar high, and once its unachievable, you’re crushed into tiny little pieces. And your life will forever become as dark as you’ll ever see it’ll be.

 

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Being 23 isn’t so bad.

Guess who turned 23 yesterday? Me!

People might think being 23 is still young, but come on, who are you guys kidding? It is time to gain real responsibilities, face the future and actually act on whatever it is that you have just started planning earlier this year.

But being 23 is not so bad. You’re allowed to go to bars with a more mature looking face, people wouldn’t have second guessed you whether you’re already 21 or not, and you’re practically legal to do anything, even go to jail! Lol.

Being born in January makes you gain hope of your life earlier than anyone else, (well, unless you’re born earlier than me). I feel like it gives me a new perspective, like I can foresee the future and what lies ahead of me. Because I was looking forward to my birthday, and now that it is over, I can look forward to something else, something bigger.

My birthday celebration yesterday was phenomenal. I am gifted with an incredible husband that knows me inside out, that made it so memorable I can cry of happiness while reminiscing about it again.

He was the first to wish me Happy Birthday at 12am, and then we spend the whole night just talking and talking until 4am. I love when we spend time talking before we sleep, it’s just so relaxing for me. That morning we woke up late, but not too late, then we went to brunch at the Penn Stater Hotel, called the Gardens Restaurant. They offered a buffet which was so tasty, oh my god I feel hungry now.

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Right after brunch, he pampered me with a couple’s massage which is pretty awesome. I haven’t had the best massage experience so far, but this, hands down, the best massage I have ever felt. They even have me a facial therapy, which was so relaxing, I almost slept the way through. The place was right in State College, called the Artemis Massage Studio. I immediately fell in love with the place due to its ambiance and the environment, I could just spend hours there and just lay down waiting for someone to give me a massage. It was incredible, enough said.

Not enough with the surprises, Hafid pulled the best surprise yet last night when he blindfolded me and bring me to this amazing place to celebrate my birthday dinner with all of my friends. Oh my, I was so shocked and surprised that they planned it so beautifully and the decorations were so on point, it was the best and happiest celebration ever.

Imagine being blindfolded right after you got in the car, and didn’t know where you were heading and, suddenly, surprised! Everyone was there, without you even knowing the slightest hint about it. Well, initially I thought Hafid was bringing us for dinner, just the two of us, like we usually do, but it was a surprise to find out that everybody is there, celebrating it with you. It was the best feeling, ever.

Words cannot describe the situation was last night, I might just pour in some pictures. Enjoy! Thank you again to those who wish and celebrating it with me. It was the best.

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Declutter your New Year

I know, it’s a little too late for a New Year’s wish, but, hey, Happy New Year! I’m a bit sad this year knowing that my adult life will start in a few months time, but I’ll cherish what I’ve got.

So, I haven’t really figured out what my resolution this year is, yet, but last night got me thinking. I was watching this documentary of Minimalism and this idea struck my mind. I am going to go minimal with everything that I have. Okay, I’m gonna tell you how determine I am, because I am never this determine, well, at least not this year.

Okay, minimalism is keeping what’s valuable to you, and letting go of what seemed to make you happy once upon a time, but now you tend to have forgotten about them and they’re just there consuming your space in the house. Consumerism, people, is bad!

I know for you girls out there, this seems to be impossible to you because, hell yeah, I know we have emotional and physical connections to our stuff, especially our makeup, our clothes, shoes and basically everything that we own. But, I’ll tell you this, that feeling after you went through all your stuff and getting rid of things you don’t feel brings value to you anymore, is the most satisfying thing ever.

After the movie ended, I said to Hafid, “Since both of us can’t sleep, do you want to declutter your life with me?” And his face light up, we jumped out of bed and prepare 3 trash bags to separate the trash, things we would want to donate, and things we wanted to sell. This was at 2.00am when we started to declutter our things. The mission is ON.

We started section by section in the room and then out in the kitchen as well, and guess what, in this tiny space of ours, we successfully decluttered our life and managed to round up 3 bags of trash, a bag of donation, and a bag to sell. Imagine that!

So, let me break it down to you, first, we went through my makeup. I owned a decent amount of makeup for everyday use, I think my collection of makeup is just enough for me to use everyday and in that section, I don’t need that much decluttering going on. But, in one of the cabinets, I found a ridiculous amount of empty makeup boxes that I just kept for no use. Well, I have this habit of keeping makeup boxes just because it’s pretty, like my Kylie Lip Kits, or my Tarte palette box, you know, that sort of thing. Hafid made me throw them away and I was devastated at first, but seconds after, the feeling of easiness filled my heart and I felt that decluttering feeling that minimalists have been talking about. Aha.

The next section was my wardrobe. Oh God, I swear this was the hardest thing I had to do in my life. As you would guess, I did not entirely declutter my closet because, let’s face it, I need my clothes and it does bring value to my life, so I cannot object to that. Things that bring value to me are the things that make me happy. And the point of going minimal is to make me happy, see where I’m going with that? Haha. Also, I know Hafid made me throw the empty boxes away, but if you know my obsession with dUCk scarves, I WILL NOT BE GETTING RID OF THOSE BOXES, thank you very much. Those really brought me happiness as long as I can remember. So I kept it, towering high in my wardrobe. 🙂

That’s basically my section of the house, and others were Hafid’s. He did some decluttering too, which was an accomplishment for him because he also has emotional attachments with his things, but now, we are much happier and it is a great way to start off our last semester of college. Kudos to the both of us!

So, declutter your life, and ask yourself, “Does this bring value to your life?”. If not, get rid of it, and your life will be much simpler and happier.

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Good luck in getting rid of your stuff! (I am never getting rid of the dUCk boxes. LOL)

 

DUCK CONTEST

I love two things in life, being photographed by Hafid and  my collection of dUCk scarves. Others, maybe comes down to third and fourth on the list. Then, the duckgroup open a competition that involves these top 2 things on my list. Hmm wrong move, guys wrong move. Haha.

Having Hafid who loves taking my photos and my duck collection, made us somehow super hyped because the winner of the competition gets the whole collection of the world map duck and also, wait for it, a free business class airplane ticket for two to where ever they want in the world. Amboi. 

But honestly my main target was to just post for photos and rely on Hafid to make me look good. The prize is just a bonus if I win. Good photos make me smile. I love spending time to do make up, dress up, just to have a good photo.

So, for the duck contest, we came up with a theme, to do something different from other people. I’ll show you a couple (or all) of it later on. Kinda cool. But you should see the entries of the competition, people are taking it so seriously onto the next level. There was one that was levitating, and flying, and swimming, wow, you should just see it for yourself. Damn creative man these people.

But somehow I feel the competition’s rules are too vague, people can practically do anything they want with it, a flatlay, a collection of your duck boxes, or basically anything that you want. I still feel there’s a catch, like, they have their sets of rules and criteria that they want but do not tell the public.

Not hoping for anything, though, but I feel good about having good photos. Hee. May the person with the good photos win. Amen.

 

DUCK SYNDROME

I don’t have a hobby, until recently, established Raya 2016 in Malaysia.

I mentioned Malaysia because if I haven’t gone back during the summer, I wouldn’t have been obsessed with collecting the dUCk scarves. I blamed it all on my outing to Pavilion one fine day.

Here it goes: well, I didn’t know that a dUCk store was just opened a few days after I reached Malaysia. Before this, I had a favorite hijab brand that I bought in Ampang Park. Favorite in my definition is owning almost all the colors of that particular chiffon scarf and that’s it. I love it, it was my length of scarf and I wear it everyday. Period.

But, this obsession that I developed over a few months ago, is ridiculous. I started trying out a few duck scarves, Georgette range in Oreo was my first duck. I bought it because it’s in black color and what could go wrong with trying a ridiculously luxurious scarf for once right? Well, EVERYTHING COULD GO WRONG. Now, I’m obsessed. I’m pretty sure people couldn’t understand my obsession with this scarf, some would say, it’s just a scarf, why is it so expensive. And I know the target market is not for students like me, but I work to get most of it, so I would pat myself a pretty good job well done for earning it.

I know people would joke, saying “This scarf could prevent you from the hell’s fire, is it?”. Hmm I don’t know. But I feel satisfied wearing and owning them. So, I say, why not. It’s not because its luxurious that I want to buy it, its just the feeling of satisfaction owning something so exclusive and pretty. I fell in love immediately. The experience from battling for it, (yes, it’s called a duck battle – it’s real), buying it, waiting for it to arrive, and to open the package and get that scarf inside. All of it, the experience, is what I’m obsessed about. I rarely have a hobby, but this hobby is insanely ridiculous I have yet to do. It’s so satisfying that I cannot stop, it’s like I’m addicted.

But I’m glad I did. It’s wonderful to own one. But I swear on all my scarves, that if you ever get involved, you’ll get addicted. Not to buying it, but to owning it. But also, maybe you won’t because you have that self-restraint. Hat’s off to you, my friend.

NEW BIG 10 CHAMPIONS – WE ARE!

As a Penn Stater, it is a huge mistake not to participate in the anticipation of watching a football game, and especially the BIG 10 Championship which by the way, Penn State won!

I know I’m not much of a sports fan, but Penn State football, I cannot. I cannot contain my excitement because this is HUGE guys, HUUUUUUGEEEE!!

Okay, so Penn State was against Wisconsin, and we were losing hope when Penn State was behind 21-7 before the 2nd half. And Penn State is a team that’s well-known for being a great second-half team, meaning, they get hyped late, but win anyway. They were so far behind and suddenly, BOOM! 38-31 FINAL SCORE!

Everyone expected that Penn State could win, but I guess I wasn’t expecting that Penn State will win. I was overjoyed, I screamed and shout (like the usual me), jumped around and I still cannot believe that Penn State won.

Well, secretly I believed that I have this ritual that I follow every time Penn State has a game, that I should NOT be watching them play offensive and only watch the game when they play defensive. It actually kinda works. That’s what I did for the game against Ohio State, Iowa State, Michigan State and this, Wisconsin. So I guess they should be thanking me for winning. Aha! (No, I’m just kidding)

So, here’s the thing, whether we win or we lose last night, Penn State students will have a riot. A huge one. I swear this is the second riot I have been to here at Penn State and these people are crazy. I have no idea why we are filled with such violence last night, it’s not like we lost to Wisconsin. It’s terrible what went on yesterday. But I cannot lie and tell you it’s no fun, it’s so exciting, that we almost got shot with a paintball gun by a police. I swear I am not lying to you.

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Police went full force on this riot and there were thousands of students last night roaming around Beaver Ave just screaming “We Are! Penn State”. Some were chanting “We want Bama!” and of course, as a senior, I joined and had fun.

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It was something I never thought I would do, but looking at all of us yesterday, our Penn State pride was something I was so proud of. Although it shouldn’t be this way, but riot with police forces are so much fun.

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There were so many people and it became so violent that police were with horses, big tanks of pepper sprays and paintball guns just to clear the roads and intersections. These students are drunk, hyped up, and violent they even broke a lamp post and stop signs. Yes, we witnessed that right in front of our eyes. It’s just unbelievable, but we cheered anyway.

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I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but Penn State won guys, and this is my senior year. It is so worth it! Go Penn State! I am, for one, so proud of you! USA! USA! USA! We Are!

All pictures were taken by @afidmo.

SELF-REMINDER

So, GRE went pretty………………

Nevermind, let’s skip that story and talk about what happen today. We skipped class to go to Harrisburg which is 2 hours away on a school day. Then, some things happen and we decided to roam around the Harrisburg Mall. Now, let me tell you this, the malls in US are so different than the ones in Malaysia. I dare say that I love our Pavilion and Suria KLCC 10 times more than any malls here in the US. They don’t have integrated cinemas and retail stores in one place. So, yeah, malls in the US kind of suck. But my retail therapy has been saved by the premium outlets here. The only drawback it has is it is so far away from where I live.

Sigh.

Okay, the reason why I wanted to visit the mall is to find an iPhone repair guy since I dropped my phone and someone (possibly me) accidentally stepped on it, and it cracked. Accidentally dropped it during the Penn State and Michigan State football game and I was super excited since it’s the first time Penn State won the Eastern Division of the BIG Championship. I was beyond happy. So, I jumped and cheered and shouted and my phone accidentally dropped out of my jacket. Then, it cracked.

Long story short, phone got fixed, but at a store in State College, and that was the end of my long, long day. Horrible I tell you. Definitely gonna be one of the unforgettable day in my 2016 history.

December welcoming me with open arms, huh.